Future Presidential Mass Debates

 
 
Maybe the two sides could have a proper debate, this time with different Big Dave's sensible ground rules:
 
1. Each candidate and the moderator is fitted with an electronic shocker or shot with a taser.
2.This electrification shot would follow any negative personal comment to the other candidate or their families.
3. It would follow any negative comments about the other side of the house
4. It would follow from any negative comments about the country and its flag
5. It would follow any negative comment whatsoever
6. It would follow any explicit or implied bias from the moderator
7. it would follow any negative or partisan loaded question from the moderator.
 
So what would be the point of this debate be, I hear you mumble under your pizza encrusted beard?
 
what would be allowed questions and responses?:
 
1. What do your parties really stand for
2. What are your real plans for the future of the country
3. Your positive plans and costed policies/plans for the country
4. What direction do you see the country going in under your presidency
5. What is your foreign policy stance going to be to seek world peace
6. What parts of the constitution would you change
7. What 3 positive things you like about the other candidate
8. What 3 positive things do you like about the other side of the house.
 
At the end, both candidates would hug and exchange expensive floral bouquets and sing Coom-by-ya while toasting each other marshmallows at a campfire.
 
All the answers would be typed up by a professional unbiased stenographer and agreed to, as accurate.
 
The once in office:
 
1. If a candidate does the opposite of what he promised he would be impeached, electrocuted, grounded, and made to sit on the naughty step.
2. if the then-president changes the policy out of all recognition perpetuating a lie he will be impeached, electrocuted, made to wear a dunce's hat, and to be pelted with rotten fruit locked into the stalls.
3. Where a sitting president stands up and puts his naughty bits, into or one anyone's consenting naughts bits There would be no punishment whatsoever.
4. If a praying President says that he talks to a god and fallows this god direct advice,  He must be removed from office, removed as a menace to society, and imprisoned alone on Alcatraz and only fed bananas
5. Any lying President who claims aliens do not exist will be taken to a rubber room where a Zillun from the planet Thaargh will suck out what little brains he has left - He then would be established as the leader of the KKK or ANTIFA
6. If an angry President goes to war for oil, democratizing, money, or invading other countries He will be put alone in the psychiatric wing of Alcatraz where a forced brainwash re-education is applied, whilst beating his privates constantly with a rolled-up atlas while looping "give peace a chance" by John Lennon for 4 weeks 24/7 and daily trifle-boarded.
 
I know what you are thinking 'Hey big Dave! There is something missing from these rules. It's is any system of rewards as well as punishment'
 
Worry not my little French garlic milk-soaked Cherioes I have this covered with a thick covering of artichoke, banana, and beetroot porridge and a splash of milk from a hairy haggis
 
1. For every question answered in accordance with the rules you get rewarded with either a 76 ways nongender toaster with a loaf of bread scientifically created to go the same colour as your own skin colour or a 10-foot sandwich maker that is all-inclusive and does not discriminate on any ingredients, no does it favour any specific ethnic flavours
 
2. If a candidate answers all questions according to Big Dave's rules, they, (Gender, not specific) will be awarded the Star Prize. A 14 night (no days) quiet scenic vacation on warm sunny topical Isle with award-winning cliffs and rocky beaches. The facilities include water sports, a gymnasium if you work out or even if you don't know who Jim is. It is a '1920s themed resort with plenty of nightly shenanigans and a vast array of bars. It has a top of the green line medical facility, including a '90s ('1890) secure psychiatric wing where if you are not tranquil we will tranquilise you. We have award-winning caterers and a head chef that can make soup, stock and sauces from discarded soiled underwear and smelly socks, What a culinary genius. This is all run in an orderly fashion by professor Red Empshunn III. A place that will steal your heart away and you will be completely sold for life. It is, of course, "Rykers Topical Paradise and Health Spa."
 
3. if it is a draw the two will be tied, back to back, ordered to walk ten paces, turn then draw a picture of a loaded gun.
The best drawing wins, extra points for colour crayons use and colouring in between the lines, personal signatures will be marked down with a coloured biro with a neutral colour of course
 
Let's all Mass Debate come one, come all!
 
 
d.macleod (c)