Bricks of Diamond Tears (triggering topics not for anyone under 18... Please)

There are holes in my memory
And I know what lies there
I think I know what monsters lurk
In the blank spaces in my mind
I have built up monumental walls
Each brick a diamond tear;blood colored
I do not ever chip at these walls
And I pray they never come down
When you're a child your brain can protect you
It can build highways around those brain cells
And create blanks to protect you, only you
Sometimes my loved one will reach out
And run their hand over my hip to my thigh
And it will feel like a battery ram against that wall
My brain misfiring and screaming out questions rapid fire
The walls sometimes buckle and shadows spill outwards
Straight through the cracks in the wall
Why do I flinch when men reach for me?
I don't know and I don't want to know
The answer for that is somewhere
In the memories hidden behind bricks of tears
I won't break myself down into pieces
For answers that no one is ready for.