deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Stranger At The Train Station
The woman with silver hair wore a cream cardigan and sunglasses.
Pushing a small suitcase along the ground, she approached the ticket office.
Dawn thought there was something familiar about the woman, but she couldn’t identify what.
The voice.
West Country.
The accent reminded her of wild flowers and of an afternoon in a garden many years ago.
An untidy garden in Devon with autumn leaves and a pond and clumps of damp earth.
Pushing a small suitcase along the ground, she approached the ticket office.
Dawn thought there was something familiar about the woman, but she couldn’t identify what.
The voice.
West Country.
The accent reminded her of wild flowers and of an afternoon in a garden many years ago.
An untidy garden in Devon with autumn leaves and a pond and clumps of damp earth.
Published 23rd Sep 2020
Author's Note
Based on a previous novel attempt.
Psychological thriller
Psychological thriller
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 342
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
23rd Sep 2020 9:33pm
24th Sep 2020 10:29pm
Many thank, buddhakitty. I could see and feel that garden as I wrote.
Best wishes and stay safe, Lawrence
Best wishes and stay safe, Lawrence
23rd Sep 2020 11:08pm
24th Sep 2020 10:35pm
24th Sep 2020 3:10am
Dear L,
Your attention to detail is phenomenal! How you describe a sense “ The accent reminded her of wild flowers” is really terrific.
You hook your reader from the first sentence. I really hate not knowing how it plays out. Awesome write! H🌷
Your attention to detail is phenomenal! How you describe a sense “ The accent reminded her of wild flowers” is really terrific.
You hook your reader from the first sentence. I really hate not knowing how it plays out. Awesome write! H🌷
24th Sep 2020 10:47pm
Thanks so much for the positive feedback, Honoria!
As regards bringing scenes to life (like the accent), I focus on just one or two ways of bringing out detail. It takes a great deal of pruning and I have to cut and delete often.
I was not able to develop the story in a satisfactory manner when I worked on it, but my hopes would be based a around drawing the character Dawn into a plot of psychological intrigue, paranoia and danger in which the reader would not be sure whether to trust the older lady at the ticket office. One day, maybe, I'll complete and publish this story.
Best wishes and stay safe, Lawrence
As regards bringing scenes to life (like the accent), I focus on just one or two ways of bringing out detail. It takes a great deal of pruning and I have to cut and delete often.
I was not able to develop the story in a satisfactory manner when I worked on it, but my hopes would be based a around drawing the character Dawn into a plot of psychological intrigue, paranoia and danger in which the reader would not be sure whether to trust the older lady at the ticket office. One day, maybe, I'll complete and publish this story.
Best wishes and stay safe, Lawrence
26th Sep 2020 9:02pm
Very evocative and interesting. I read Honeria's comment, and couldn't have said it any better. Fantastic writing, my friend! If you can draw someone in with just a little excerpt of writing, you're doing a great job 🙏😁. Bravo!
27th Sep 2020 10:14pm
