deepundergroundpoetry.com
In.nocence
I stood there
gasping
in the midst of you
Painting my heart
a marble canvas in pieces
Strewn
& splattered
cross your bleeding walls
Shake(i)n(g)
I see you in the vanishing sun
that sleeps within its self
& under riddles
& the dying promises of forever
.fractured.
& lost
in faded love & such things
& I beg
to set aside if nothing but a dream
In breaths of something so raw
so
seraphic
that I keep forgetting to remind myself
*just
breathe*
gasping
in the midst of you
Painting my heart
a marble canvas in pieces
Strewn
& splattered
cross your bleeding walls
Shake(i)n(g)
I see you in the vanishing sun
that sleeps within its self
& under riddles
& the dying promises of forever
.fractured.
& lost
in faded love & such things
& I beg
to set aside if nothing but a dream
In breaths of something so raw
so
seraphic
that I keep forgetting to remind myself
*just
breathe*
Published 17th Jan 2010
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17th Jan 2010 9:30am
This is manic_haiku from twitter. Thanks for posting this website. Its so cool!!
Your poem is magnificent. You should pursue this side of creativity. Your use of punctuation is so unique and really gives a new way isolate and fracture the poem. The second stanza stands out to me with saying that one can paint on something that is already broken (and even to pieces). Its true that we try. Excellent imagery!
Your poem is magnificent. You should pursue this side of creativity. Your use of punctuation is so unique and really gives a new way isolate and fracture the poem. The second stanza stands out to me with saying that one can paint on something that is already broken (and even to pieces). Its true that we try. Excellent imagery!
17th Jan 2010 6:06pm
It's a very strong piece, very emotional and beautifully written. It captures that pain, that longing. My own suggestion is that you remove the ands (&), I feel they slow the flow of the writing and their absence would increase the immediacy of the pain.
A great poem.
A great poem.
25th Jan 2010 00:14am
I was on some drugs that made me forget to breathe.. hehe.. but I do like this poem good job hun
