back from the dead

Never before has anything
So magnificently shaken and terrified me
Straight down to my core.

There's a new wave of life coming.
Sometimes it looks like a quiet moonlit night
Walking amongst the trees and the mysterious sounds.
Others its me running screaming,
Head swinging wildly to look back
At horridly beautiful things that haunt and chase me.

I can't help but fondly remember the happy times,
And my heart weeps for the girl I used to be.
Some nights I'm still that girl.
Others I revert back to a younger, more distant self...
Carrying all the catastrophes and voices back in time.
I sit on my Mama's back steps in my dreams
Just to cry and wish for someone to pick up my pieces
Put me back together in all my selfish, guarded ways.

I want to love again,
But my hands are shaky and weak
From trying to heal and love others
In a desperate fit of tunnel vision to happiness.
I still ache for all I've ever loved,
And the tears they cried in my arms
Linger faintly on my skin.

Forgive me for my absent mind
And distant eyes...
I can't help but mourn the hearts I broke
In a mindless attempt to guard my own.
Because in the middle of push and pull, love and war, madness and ecstasy,
I've completely shattered myself into dust
Scattered on back roads and in worn out trailers.
I'm tired, love...
But I'll love you with every broken piece I have.