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In your written pain I contemplated…
In your written pain I contemplated…
I contemplated...
the soul searing sadness in your phrase
awashed with it I felt myself drown,
I listened to your sharp laments in a haze,
although there is no utterance of sound.
My spirit in distress recoiled
upon drinking in the syllables,
as if within a wind they roiled
in angry overwhelming decibels.
Such was the pain I perceived,
it shred my soul with its ferocity,
your words full of emotions, bleed,
emanating bitterness in reciprocity.
You write and continue to write,
on what steals your serenity, your calm,
of events that have become a blight
and ones that cause so much harm.
It evokes a desire to comfort, nonconditional,
But, only through words are we acquainted;
your readers believe this work is fictional
yet, I feel the hurt and pain have not abated.
What can be done to erase so much damage,
I have a ardent soul-felt yearning
to halt the tears that your face ravage,
impede the path this grief’s burning.
I would that I could sooth with words that cohere,
loathsome anguish that causes you so much pain,
But how does one caringly convey: "I am here",
if never, have you in curiosity, asked my name?
Me, you do not know,
I am just another spectator
reading the words you bestow,
one of many and nothing more.
Only a name without a face,
unnoticed I pass, a deodand,
never leaving so much as a trace
or a foot print in the sand.
Aug. 2011/Edited Jan.2012
Gypsy Red
Aug. 2011/Edited Jan.2012
Gypsy Red
I contemplated...
the soul searing sadness in your phrase
awashed with it I felt myself drown,
I listened to your sharp laments in a haze,
although there is no utterance of sound.
My spirit in distress recoiled
upon drinking in the syllables,
as if within a wind they roiled
in angry overwhelming decibels.
Such was the pain I perceived,
it shred my soul with its ferocity,
your words full of emotions, bleed,
emanating bitterness in reciprocity.
You write and continue to write,
on what steals your serenity, your calm,
of events that have become a blight
and ones that cause so much harm.
It evokes a desire to comfort, nonconditional,
But, only through words are we acquainted;
your readers believe this work is fictional
yet, I feel the hurt and pain have not abated.
What can be done to erase so much damage,
I have a ardent soul-felt yearning
to halt the tears that your face ravage,
impede the path this grief’s burning.
I would that I could sooth with words that cohere,
loathsome anguish that causes you so much pain,
But how does one caringly convey: "I am here",
if never, have you in curiosity, asked my name?
Me, you do not know,
I am just another spectator
reading the words you bestow,
one of many and nothing more.
Only a name without a face,
unnoticed I pass, a deodand,
never leaving so much as a trace
or a foot print in the sand.
Aug. 2011/Edited Jan.2012
Gypsy Red
Aug. 2011/Edited Jan.2012
Gypsy Red
Published 26th Jan 2012
| Edited 7th Mar 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 9
reads 1040
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
One can feel comforted having a friend like you.
One feel less alone with people like you around.
Is that what your wonderful words convey.
One feel less alone with people like you around.
Is that what your wonderful words convey.
26th Jan 2012 4:02pm
Thank you dear Luca for the comment, as for if my piece is flagged I don't know either but I don't think so.
besos Gitana
besos Gitana
26th Jan 2012 10:17pm
Seš krásná.
“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?” Only thing left to say as always ˇBien hecho!
“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?” Only thing left to say as always ˇBien hecho!
26th Jan 2012 10:44pm
Wonderful comment thank you so much I am glad you understood it sooo well.It is the empath in me that always makes me feel in the flesh other people's pain.
Gypsy red
Gypsy red
26th Jan 2012 10:57pm
This, Gypsy is some kind of wonderful.
i especially liked the first stanza, that said they are all pretty damn good.
The language you used makes it easy to feel the emotion you poured into the writing of this.
I think the second last stanza could be a little stronger. I can see it's importance though in relation to the rest of the poem.
it may be the change in the A,B,A,B rhyme you used up until then. or the sudden shortened lines
i have tried to think of an alternative for you the best i can come up with is;
Me, well me you do not know,
just another passerby
from your first iv'e watched you grow
felt every sigh heard every cry
anyway great job!
i especially liked the first stanza, that said they are all pretty damn good.
The language you used makes it easy to feel the emotion you poured into the writing of this.
I think the second last stanza could be a little stronger. I can see it's importance though in relation to the rest of the poem.
it may be the change in the A,B,A,B rhyme you used up until then. or the sudden shortened lines
i have tried to think of an alternative for you the best i can come up with is;
Me, well me you do not know,
just another passerby
from your first iv'e watched you grow
felt every sigh heard every cry
anyway great job!
26th Jan 2012 11:21pm
Well thank you so much what a nice surprise, yes I have been looking that and your version is interesting. Good looking out, I really appreciate it,I will see if I can better align the stanzas. Its very hard to translate from another language without losing the essence of the piece. Again thank you very much for the great comment.
Gypsy red
Gypsy red
You opened my eyes to something that grew and grew eeeuuuuwww a pair of or more eyes are always better. I had two paragraphs A B A B then three that were A A B B and last but not least four that are A B B A grrrrrr. So I ended up editing the whole thing and all are now A B B A.
27th Jan 2012 3:33am
It's like you thought about every word before you wrote it. The first 3 stanza's are my favorite, but I love the whole piece.
27th Jan 2012 2:00pm
Thank you so much Rachel, yes, I did indeed think and search out the appropriate words for this piece but, it still need a little tweaking.Thanks for the nice comment.
Gypsy red
Gypsy red
