Search and Destroy

Search and Destroy

A little laugh; a smile here and there 
Just to forget the moments when I'm stuck in the dilemma of what's really fair
My mind traces over memories like a damn blank book 
Except I never find one, so frustrated while I still continue to look 

When will the search end, or is that really the question 
Is my heart a bomb that needs to be detonated 
I can't change my life, nor yours. I'm not a fucking time-machine 
Who not hope for a better life; an easier dream  

I should be thankful, right? Thankful for fucking what?
The endless nights of never sleeping leaves me in a restless rut 
Why not detonate this bomb that so eagerly ticks my memory away  
Why can't I just search my heart for words that I can never say