Don't Get In The Car

The first time I was invited to read my work in public occurred during the mid-nineties. It took place at Seminole Community College in Sanford, Florida. It almost never happened.    
   
I was told that not only were they publishing me but they also wanted me to come and read my poem in a formal setting. At first, I was elated not to mention honored. I remembered when I was younger that I had gone to the college and got to hear other more establish poet's  read their work. I thought that I would be doing the same thing there one day. At least, I hoped I could do it.    
   
As the days got closer to the date I was to read, self doubt and fear began to creep in. I decided that I couldn't do it. I was too unsure of myself but I didn't tell anyone. The day finally arrived and I had made up my mind not to go telling myself that I didn't have the guts to get up on stage in front of alot of people and read my poem. I thought if I just didn't get in the car, I could keep myself  safe and avoid humiliating myself in public..    
   
So the evening arrived and my husband asked why I wasn't getting ready to go to the reading. I said that I made up my mind that I wasn't going. He wanted to know why, of course. So I told him I was too afraid to do it. I was really surprised when he said, "No, you're going. I will drive you there " Of course, I balked at him then he asked, "You wanna know why you're going?". I shook my head in a yes. He then said, "If you don't do it you will kick yourself in the ass for not going. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."    
   
It was easy getting ready to go after that because I knew deep down that he was right. So, I let him drive me there, shaking inside from both fear and excitement. Somehow, I managed, walking on air, to follow my husband into the auditorium. There were quite a few people that already. We went and  picked out a place to sit.    
   
The reading was ready to start. The atmosphere was formal and tense. No one seemed to know what to do. The first guest was called up to read. It was a lovely poem for which she received applause. I could still feel the tension in the room and hoped that I would be called up soon so I could this whole thing over with. I realized then, I had to read. There was no avoiding it now. I bowed my head and prayed to God that if He didn't want me to get up on the stage and completely fall down on my face that He was going to have to help me. I was really there and going to do the very thing I was afraid of. And then I heard my name being called.    
   
I felt like I was walking on air, as I climbed up onto the stage. I told myself not to be afraid and then I opened my mouth. I had barely gotten the first line of my poem read when the audience, finding my words amusing, broke into laughter. I got through it and was elated having done it. It went so much better than I had ever dreamed it would. I actually wished I could do it again.    
   
I didn't realize it at the time, but later my husband told me that my opening line made the tension in the room disappear and made everyone relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.    
   
So that is how the night went. I was glad that I had listened to my husband about doing the reading. I really would have deeply regretted not going.