Past Views

You did not believe in me.
You didn't want me at my worst.
I finally realize that meant
 you didn't want me at my best.

I thought you knew me, and so did you.
I didn't know your true thoughts
I assumed I did.
We both learned we didn't know each other at all.

It was a perceived reality..

Now I care about a past that doesn't even exist.
I'm bothered that you don't care and I still do.

I'm busy thinking about thinking.

These things matter to me
I still care about you
 I'm truly wasting my time.

I don't want what we had anymore

However
There was no closure for me.
Granted
I learned a lot about myself
 I guess that is important.
We always are learning
about ourselves
no matter what we do

Certain memories still get to me.

Those times I thought we had a really close moment.
Was that just me who had that?

I hear that song you introduced me to.
 I fell in love with music for the first time.
Never listened to a song over and over again like that.

Listening to it now bothers me.
I can't listen to it without being uncomfortable.
It's such a good song.

I am realizing those moments are gone.
The loss is real.
I am seeing that it breaks my heart and
 I really suffered at that time.
You did too.
 I couldn't fully process what was going on
while I was facing my demons

If you do care I am sorry.

I am needing to let go
That hurts
I should of let this go
 a long time ago.
There was a part of me
 that never wanted to let go
Letting go feels like I am giving up
There is nothing to give up anyway
which
 is ironic

 I had wanted to think you would always want to be with me.
Knowing that you didn't want me any longer
was really hard to take in.

I see I needed to process.
 I can give my thoughts to my present reality now.
It deserves it more
and see that these thoughts
are finally put to rest.
At least for today

I genuinely hope you are happy. :)
 I wish I had known you for how you saw yourself!
 Not for how I saw you.

Peace