Story of my Life

The person you see and who you think I am…
I’m just an illusion who never actually existed. 
It was all pretend.
No trace left of who I used to be.
Who I once thought I was.
She was long gone a long time ago.
Lost.
Her body was discarded.
Dumped.
Hidden along a dusty old road.
Both of us murdered by her own two hands.
The rest of the world just watched.
But it’s not really my place to go and place the blame. 
It’s human nature.
((naturally))
We all love to watch a train wreck in progress.
They all saw it coming.
Though the sight itself was so consuming.

Don’t you dare look away. 

I was a living lesson in motion.
We really failed this time.
I never even learned a thing. 
I just sat motionless as I watched myself.

Crash.
((ignite))
Burn. 

Addicting is the fire that destroys us. 
I was the one person that could have stopped this.
One chance to change the outcome of this disaster.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it. 

That disaster was my life.
It’s all I‘ll ever known.

We screamed while life slit our throats.
The life drained out the cuts.
Bodies remain laying still.
((lifeless))
I watched myself bleed.
It was your own sick amusement. 
A muse for this tragedy put into pictures.

You turned it into a comedy. 
Genius. 

Why not make light of our lives?
Laugh. 
We’re just waiting around.
Waiting here to waste our time.

Don’t.
Stop putting your meaning into my life.
I never meant anything to you.
Did I? 
You say I’m sick, that I’m the one drawing in the darkness? 
No. 
There is a difference. 
I’m not you.
You were nothing at all like us. 
My heart was blackened over time.
I just blindly followed in the footsteps of my mind. 

Blaming is pointless.
We knew the truth.
It was people just like you. 
You and your toxic crayons.
You changed the color we kept inside.
Too trusting.
((poisoned)) 
Red to dead.
All it took you was the last twenty years of my life.
Thanks for wasting my time.
Though somehow I learned to live with my failing heart.
((falling apart)) 
You would have never suspected. 
We’re always one up on you.
We dug ourselves out of your ditches.
Just to show up in your own demented mental images.
Unexpected. 
Untrue.

Listen.
I’ve struggled my whole life to survive this fight.
But you? 
You’ve had it easy all along. 
Got off every time.
No one suspected.
No one even knew.
How perfect the life of those born into a pre-burned heart must be. 
You can’t understand what it’s like to feel.
How bad it hurts to fail. 
We were forced to fight for this.
I fought to defend myself.
Built up these walls protect myself. 
((bulletproof))

We’ve done a lot.
But we did this for ourselves.
((courage))
It’s more then you’ve ever had to do.
Still more then you ever will.
The darkness needs no defense.
Nothing can hurt your kind.
No weapons we know.
Not even kryptonite.

So we’ll just scream in your face.
Stop the bleeding.
Please?
It doesn’t even phase you.
Nothing ever does. 
At least pretend you care.

Anger.
You’ll just force us to choke. 
Venomous words once caught in our lungs now linger in my veins.
Asphyxiate.
Your lies still taste like this blood I spit in your face.
Just let me suffocate.
 
Premeditated murder is a mother fucker, huh? 
You made me kill myself.
Watching.
((so wrong))
You only saw half the show. 
I’m still breathing.
We’re better then ever.
Better then you will ever be.

I could just be a mistake waiting to happen.
Again.
But your senseless beatings broke all our bones.
I guess we took it wrong.
It had a reverse effect.
You made us all the better for it. 
Made us more.

Found your weakness.
Finally.

Our own advantage.
We can fake our own deaths.
Something you couldn’t do.
You can’t even pretend to be alive.
Can you?
Kind of makes you sick to your stomach, huh? 
It’s the very blood and your every effort.
Blood you have still failed to drain us of.
It’s the only thing.
So unimportant.
So it still makes us more human.
((better)) 
It’s all that separates us now.
Now it’s all on the line.

Spare me your shame.
I’m just to dead to care.
Remember? 
You took it all away.

All I’ve really lost is my innocence.
We already plead guilty.
Only your guilt remains.
 
Silence.
Still you speak of me.
Often you spoke of us.
((history))
You always say my name as if I’m some sort of secret.
Keeping me hidden.
Embarrassed to remember us.
Too ashamed to forget? 
But I wasn’t even the one lying.

They still don’t lie to you.
That is not who we are.
It’s not even in us.

We’re just the filthy sinners.
Sucking these morals dry.
We were the screw ups.
So all that leaves now is you.
Left all alone. 
You’re such a fucking liar.
The only liar here.
 
You were the few who were left to your own devices.
Dirty deals.
I was left abandoned in my own mind. 

Tell me.
Which one’s worse? 
Yes.
We may be sick in the head.
We’ve always known that.
But you were just plain sick. 
Even Hells demons deemed you unfit.
That’s got to hurt. 

You must need a cure.
You’re just so pathetic.
We’re just too nice.

But I don’t fucking care.

No.
That’s not true.

There is an answer.
We can fix this disease.
((kill this cancer))

An antidote for the pain.
((make it all go away)) 
My blood.
Your system…
We could save this place.

Unsure.
Are you really worth it?
Worth wasting my time?
The damage is already done.
You destroyed it all.
The pain you caused could have killed us.
The torture was pointless.
But you will get what you deserve.

In our blood runs this addiction.
We’re giving it to you.
It’s such an expensive taste.
Dangerous and deadly.
Death is its only end.
((we get our revenge))
 
I can trade it all for this.
Trade everything we could’ve been.
Regrets left at nothing.
Nothing left to miss.
It’s one hell of a deal.
Well worth the price.
A life of freedom.
Freedom in exchange for life.

It’s sad.
Yes.
I know.
But this is it.
This is how life goes.
We stay for a moment.
A minute to breath.
Just to pass time.

The future is already written.

We’re all a statistic.
Just waiting in line.
Same old story.
Same old book.
Different plots.
Boring hook.
We can only change ourselves.
Our identity.
Our face.
They lead us away.
Stupid excuses.
There all the same.
It’s our metaphor for a missing moment.
But it’s just another ordinary day.

Then we find that permanent escape.

Go on our own way.

And in the end…

We’re still just another suicidal grace.