i dont want to remeber

this might be triggering I don't want to remember
there has been some trauma that I never spoke about
I'm trying to get better
maybe this is why I act out

I'm in a bad cycle when things go bad
I make myself believe that it never happened
hearing it again makes me mad
I don't want to recall happen

I get told why I never said anything
I think because I felt shame
so much pain remembering brings
sometimes I take the blame

I hate myself for being so naive
how people who are supposed to love you hurt you
these negative thoughts I belive
I gave no clue

I know I'm a good person
I been messed up since an early age
why was this my lesson
I'm always scared like in a cage

the signs where there that why I played with toys in the wrong way
it seemed normal for two long
why I feel weird that I cant pleasure myself with the light on
don't know where I belong
the innocent me is gone

I have to hide in covers not so confident being naked
maybe because these people took something from me
why was I hated
I just want this to be gone and be free