deepundergroundpoetry.com
Forgiveness
Today I drove through the parking lot
where we used to wait for drugs.
I was running an errand for my father,
and thought I would be okay.
I wasn't.
Driving through brought back memories of you;
brought back memories of when we used to sit
with only my crackling radio to keep us company
and wait for Mike (I still don't know his last name)
to deliver our prepaid goods.
I parked where we used to park,
and left my radio on low volume
to emulate the way you used to make us
inconspicuous to strangers.
I imagined you in my passenger's seat
fiddling with a syringe;
anticipating a euphoria I couldn't quite provide.
I replayed the sober conversations we shared
before fucked up took the place of real feelings.
You promised to take me overseas.
I promised to let you.
And we pinky swore that if we ever got sober,
we would do it together.
I'm sober now.
And we're not together.
I forgave myself for the mistakes I made;
for the money I stole;
for the friends I lost;
for the drugs I dabbled in.
I even forgave myself for loving you.
But I still can't forgive you.
You loved me.
But you loved drugs more.
I will never be able to forgive you for that.
where we used to wait for drugs.
I was running an errand for my father,
and thought I would be okay.
I wasn't.
Driving through brought back memories of you;
brought back memories of when we used to sit
with only my crackling radio to keep us company
and wait for Mike (I still don't know his last name)
to deliver our prepaid goods.
I parked where we used to park,
and left my radio on low volume
to emulate the way you used to make us
inconspicuous to strangers.
I imagined you in my passenger's seat
fiddling with a syringe;
anticipating a euphoria I couldn't quite provide.
I replayed the sober conversations we shared
before fucked up took the place of real feelings.
You promised to take me overseas.
I promised to let you.
And we pinky swore that if we ever got sober,
we would do it together.
I'm sober now.
And we're not together.
I forgave myself for the mistakes I made;
for the money I stole;
for the friends I lost;
for the drugs I dabbled in.
I even forgave myself for loving you.
But I still can't forgive you.
You loved me.
But you loved drugs more.
I will never be able to forgive you for that.
Published 22nd Jan 2012
| Edited 26th Jan 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 10
reads 1253
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The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jan 2012 5:10am
Anonymous
22nd Jan 2012 5:31am
intense!!! A look at true emotion. Great write...thanks for sharing
22nd Jan 2012 10:37am
I was in a relationship with someone who still loves his heroin more then he loved me..this poem brought back similar memories..beautifully expressed..welcome to DU peace Crim
24th Jan 2012 2:14pm
24th Jan 2012 3:12pm
Anonymous
26th Jan 2012 3:54am
raw emotions you got here,well done.
15th Feb 2012 4:34am
its sad sad sad to admit that i ALMOST lost the love of my life to drugs.. not because of his addiction, because of mine.. but finally, i ran out of money to buy drugs one day, and already stole all i could find, staying sober a day changed my life completely!! :) this is amazing and deeeep!
16th Feb 2012 1:38am
thank you for reading! It's nice to hear someone relate. Nice work getting sober too ... it's a near impossible journey ... but so worth it :)
20th Feb 2012 11:28am
just read all your poems, believed every word, you're good, keep livin keep writing.
22nd Feb 2012 1:27am
