Daddy Drinks, Daughter's Disregarded

I've been so brainwashed by the fact that dying would be better than confronting you
The thought gnawing and biting at my brain
How can I love you so much that I cry at the thought of you dying
But hate you so much that I can go unspoken for months

What is the point of loving a person who isn't in my life the way I imagined
Never come to my events but wallow in the thought of missing them
Drink on end to pass out and drive me home wasted
And the thought still comes back that I love you

How can I love one person so much but hate at the same time
i can't imagine why you do the things you do to me
I can see now that alcohol is much more important than me
That drinking is better than your own daughter

I know that as long as i live no one has been in your life more than the bottle in hand
Disregarded as a daughter I take to therapy to speak why drinks upset me
And now the scar I wear is the one of complete and utter hate for people drinking
You have scarred me with anxiety over a can
Anxiety over a simple drink and the hate for any partying