One step forward two steps back

Doubting myself but never blaming God
Hating to sin but not knowing how to stop
Hurting in ways that I can't explain
Growing restless because everything stays the same
Talking to Jesus but still feeling alone
Still wondering when the holy spirit will make itself known
Giving up and falling on my knees
Praying hard but still the devils holding me
Fighting back thoughts of suicide
Holding onto hope that Jesus is still on my side
Trying to do good but always slipping up
Thinking I have faith but not knowing how to love
From my mouth spills out lies and deceit
Evil words running faster than my feet
Spending my time trying to repent
Making things right because I don't have many days left
Following the steps to salvation
Then falling right back into temptation
Feeling like Satan has a head start
I just can't break through this concrete heart
Won't blame my troubles on anyone else
I just pray please God help me fix myself