addiction

trapped in a room in my mind
dark and dank
all alone begging for a break
the cold sweats begin
withdrawals have come
to curse your soul
and bring you disgust
disgust towards yourself
in your very existence
dreading everyday you have to live in
so when the doctor asks me
how are you doing?
I plaster on a smile and say what they want to hear
in fear of more rehab, institutions and treatment
I fear being honest even in my own head
every night in bed praying for strength
I do admit i am running short and I feel blank
The drugs gave me solace
and all the warmth I never had
sobriety a foreign concept
one that made me sick to think of
how wonderful the blow was it made me feel
like I was a genius
how wonderful the pills calmed my nightmares
how wonderful the herione hugged me in a way no one else could
despite it all nowadays i have to look forward
away from my addict mind
It is hard and painful most days
But never in my life have i been closer to myself