Deities

Wandering through these lonely, majestic mountains with no end in sight while thoughts occur to me.    
      
Who am I?      
Who is myself?      
Who is "Me"?      
Am I the body?      
Or maybe I'm the brain?      
       
I turn my head to the sky. Clouds are opening up, revealing the pure full moon.      
       
Am I the heart? Stuck between these bars called "Ribs" by humans.      
Or is this protection, from the unknown?      
Am I the eyes?      
       
I approach a river.      
I see the reflection of my body in the motionless, black water.      
       
Is this face me?      
What if...?!      
       
I grab my pocket knife out of my jeans. I open it and put it against my jaw. I feel the blade touching my skin.      
Cold, yet somehow comforting.      
With one slow move, I separate the skin cells, leaving the skin hanging from itself.      
Warmth flows over my hand, dripping into the river.      
Blood.      
Spreading through the water like smoke.      
       
What if I am the blood?      
Is the blood "Me"?      
Am I the water too now?      
If another creature consumes it, do I become part of it too?      
       
I can't move. Like crashing waves, my thoughts are going wild.      
       
What if I am supposed to be more, than just this carcass?      
The earth, the plants, the animals...?      
       
Suddenly, the knife penetrates my pulse.      
Exposing more blood to touch my surroundings.      
       
Now I feel it! This presence...inside of me. This that I couldn't find a word but "The hole".      
It burns      
It feels like rotting inside of my chest.      
Somehow pulsating.      
Consuming my body from the inside.      
       
I have to get it out.      
I rip my shirt off.      
One strike into the chest.      
Opening up the skin, cutting through the muscle, separating the nerves. Blade scratching the rib bones.      
       
Just a little more.      
Now breathing has gotten harder. Thick blood slowly enters my lungs.      
       
Just a little more.      
The blade has reached the heart. Agonizing pain takes over.      
       
Just a little deeper.      
In a moment, it pierces through something like a thin layered pearl. It cuts my breath.      
       
"The hole". I've reached it, I try to grab it. But... my body can't hold anymore.      
I see a stream of blood going down my chest, along the pelvis, all the way down to my feet.      
Too much blood has flown out of it.      
Trembling, cold sweats, gasping for air.      
My body lays down on the wet, muddy ground surrounded by blood.      
       
Am I this?      
Am I becoming earth?      
Something starts moving inside of my chest.      
       
It's stretching.      
       
It's expanding.      
       
I feel it pushing against my ribcage.      
Cracking ribs I feel inside.      
One rib, than another one.      
Blurred vision, make it seem as if the moonlight clouds are reaching out for my body.      
Or reaching for that inside of it?      
       
Then, my skin rips apart. The spine dislocates.      
Lungs, heart, intestines, bones...all exposed.      
       
Out of it emerges a Shadow. Something never seen.      
Terrifying, but weirdly beautiful and familiar.      
Free from the shackles that held it down for too long, it stands tall like a mountain.      
       
       
~Rafael dJdS