TAUNT ME

 
   
 
ok mathew.  
 
what you have is a lot of emotion going on here.love, anger etc.  
 
you just need to hone in a bit more on what you want to say , and say more with less words.  
 
there were a few lines and half lines here that were surplus to requirements.  
 
try having a clear idea of what you want to say  
then put it into the least amount of words that you can.  
also be aware of your overall presentation ie line breaks and length.  
i have done a quick edit of this poem, taken out some lines and stuck some in here and there to try keep a flowing going.  
have a look and see what you think then work from there.  
 
you done pretty good for a new writer , keep it up.  
   
 
 
 
 
what is it you want from life  
money,power,women,children  
   
taunt me if you must but  
   
what i want only one person can offer  
she has seen me laugh, seen me cry  
calmed me down  and picked  me up  
    
taunt me if you must but  
   
only one has seen the true me and not judged  
watched me die a little inside each day  
been with me through the good and bad  
never once walked away  
 
taunt me if you must but  
   
who are you to judge  
to tell me what i am or not  
   
who are you to judge
to tell me what i am or not
 
you make the choice
 
taunt me or not

this is more of a guideline than anything else, i think it might be important for you to put your own words in where you can, it will help you to get the feel of things.

that is a whole lot better then what i had now if i could just write like that