Hope and Life

She was only a junior doctor
probably been on shift for 15 hours
it was 3 o'clock in the morning
it wasn't
when he died
I remember sunshine
when he let go.
My mother was there
I think my brother and sister
(but memory can be a vague thing)
Dad was going downhill fast,
now I can't get the picture
out of my head
me and him in
his intensive care bed
flying down the hill.
we're both smiling.

But no smiles that night.

She was just a junior doctor
I knew she just wanted him to give up

maybe by then so did we

it had been a hard 6 weeks for him
hard for us, but
it had been a HARD 6 weeks for him.
She explaind
in a matter of fact way
after another scare
his heart was like a deflated football
I was 17
and I hated her
not for her lack of tact or interest
(I was 17 and lack of tack
and interest was kinda my thing)
I hated her because she
shattered my hope with truth.
I knew then that he was dead
kept alive by machines
I knew then that hope was dead
kept alive by lies.

I'm 39 now
and I know hope never died
I just ignored it
and I know dad lives inside me
and we're both smiling.