High: Beginning to End.

i cant think straight.
I cant sit up without hunching over because my head feels heavy.
i cant even blink without feeling pain.
nothing i do will change this.
i am going to feel this way for the rest of my life.
or at least it feels that way.
people move and talk and laugh around me but i stay still inside and out.

not thinking.
not moving.
just being.
my soul regrets being put into this body because its a prison.
blood might flow through my veins but hate flows through my heart.
nobody sees what i see because no one is like me.
they dont know who i am.

i dont even know.
i hope i can be happy before death is my reality.
i feel like i am dead because now i dont feel anything.
i dont feel the pain anymore.
i feel nothing.
not love not hate not even wanting.

i could sit here and ill be ok for a while.
how can i make it last longer.
my stomach talks to me but i dont listen.
my hands and legs and arms are cold so maybe i am dead.

there is one thing that i feel.
its alive.
an ocean in my head.
a feeling of swaying back and forth.
my body doesn't move.
at least not under my control.
maybe God is controlling me.

my head has life.
cold then warm.
light then heavy.
nothing in existence matters more than this.
my life is worthless except for that feeling.
live for it again and again until that swaying leaves me.
or until death.