Purple heart without a heart

Why must I feel all of this pain?
When in this world will I ever gain?
Always to put down and left aside;
just leave me be and let me hide.

I no longer want to place this game.
I know it wasn't all of my fault but we can share the blame.
I will no longer need; if you no longer thirst.
This is not a game for who comes in first.

Why can you just get out of my head?
Haven't I let you out enough from which I bled?
When will you let me have some peace,
but you make the pain slowly increase.

I no longer feel your need in my life;
i'm going to end all of my strife.
I know this is not the only way to heal,
but it starts with this little tiny pill.

As time goes by you are slowly gone;
only now do I feel like I belong.
Now I no longer do I feel any pain;
they have declared me legally insane.

To be out of the pot, and into the fire;
these little pills just make me higher.
They make awake as magical as sleep;
to stay in this world I wish I could keep.

It's like James in his magic coat;
so many feelings from depakote.
Why didnt they give me these first?
Screw zeprexa I want reimbursed.

Now that I have calmed down, and have peace with myself;
I place my magic back on the shelf. 
I no longer feel what's inside of me;
Like a floating cloud that is wild and free. 

I do not wish to be this way;
The doctors they tell me I have no say. 
This is what I get for going to war;
Never to be the same as I was before. 

I can't sleep on a peaceful night;
This is when we had our fire fight. 
Tracers and shells everywhere;
It was like fireworks that I can't compare. 

This is my life and my tail;
Only to still be alive when my buddies are in hell. 
I don't know how I only survived;
As I saw the medics that arrived. 

They pulled the bullets from my body;
Put me on some pills; I think an antibody. 
They said that I was so lucky to survive the raid;
That's when she gave me the name, "deadly nightshade".

I use this as my username in memory;
Of the medic who save me.
To seal the wound from which I bled;
Only to miss my brothers that are dead. 

In memory of those at Fire Base Phoenix in Afghanistan.