Fix this mess

Reality takes a blow at my chest when the realization that you went to my friend
About me
About what's wrong with me,why I'm being a bitch
That youre worried and other things I do not know yet
The ache is felt every time I breathe
I have to be the bigger person here-because I know I am partly to blame
I have to swallow my pride and apologize,be willing to work this out
All of this is still new to me,it scares me more than you think
I put on a brave face since I know your life is crumbling

You have so much to worry about,I'm scared things are falling apart and I can't stop it. You won't let me try and help you though I want so badly to make sure you're okay...Do you not realize how important you are to me?
The things I said before,I was hurt and in a blind rage
I don't want you to worry about me,at the moment I will push things aside to help you, just let me
When I'm upset I push you away because my words are cold and meant to leave scars, but when you're upset you go off on anyone
  How is that fair to me?
I apologize because I want to fix things though I don't know how to
Sometimes I believe it's not worth it,but everyone thinks that at some point
Don't talk to my friends and ask them what's wrong with me
Let me help you and try to find a way to make sure you're safe

I feel like I'm stuck in a corner
Trapt behind a locked door
 Just open that door,the moment you do I promise I will help
I'm trying more than you know to stay strong for you
I'm fighting against people I love most because some little part of me thinks this is worth it.
Don't do this,don't turn me into the bad guy
We are both at fault here
I care about you more than anything,I just pray that's enough