deepundergroundpoetry.com

Missing You, Big Sis

The only step-sib that understood me
to recognize that my mom just died
and was consequently still grieving
remembering how you defended me
whether from step-mom injustice
or the only cul-de-sac bully
who soon after became my best friend

recalling the Summer you got me a job
doing yard work for our crooked, trucker uncle
each morning we�d navigate Highway 17
destination Scott�s Valley
you at the helm of your MG Midget
top down, blonde hair shimmering,
blowing wildly in the wind

As teens we worked the same adolescent professions
you followed me as chief dishwasher
at the snooty country club
I replaced you as pro ice cream scooper
a job I grew to love
at both we ate scrumptious food
prime rib almost every night at one
and the other milkshakes, hot fudge sundaes
consummate with our attitude
could be why we both struggled with weight
you tried in so many desperate ways
to control a love/hate relationship with food

Always too critical of your physical appearance
never satisfied with your natural beauty
I should have helped you better realize
that you are beautiful at any size
but you had to believe it for yourself
with this I surely empathize
not necessarily known for our self-control
depression ever-present
I know your pain-killer addiction
so clouded your good judgement
that in an absent-minded condition
you mixed the pain pills with alcohol

Adieu for now my childhood pal