monstrosity

how did i learn to love so little of myself?
who taught me how to whither away
atop this dusty  shelf?
 
my lows are so low,
and my highs are so few.
will there come a time
when the divine powers  
guide me through?
 
You lie to me. in my Eyes.
and so unapologetically wear
such a horrifying disguise
 
yet certainly im no better,
just a little more naive.
i take my heart out and set her up
just to have her cleaved.  
 
ive become empty and hollowed out
i have less to say and no angry words to shout.
i take hold of all the heavy blame
whilst I take my first step into these blistering flames.
 
and now im just here.  
as always.
told that tomorrow will be better
but I think I might hurt forever.

And not from this instance,
not this one thing,
but a never ending penance
for the wrongs of which I've come clean.

I hope that i sleep soon.
what a boon from god it would be,
to genuinely find rest and peace alone,
amongst human natures monstrosity