I went back
I ate crow
I knew all the answers you wanted me to know
I looked at you with love in my eyes,
and I looked at him with love in my eyes.
I was the one who put the past aside,
On my hope.
On my hope.
You'll never know the hearts I laid bare,
the days that you'll never believe how much I cared.
The different hearts on different days,
breaking always, and
the years I cried thinking 'what if'.
What if I was wrong?
What if I was the problem?
What if I could make myself belong,
and just say that I was wrong?
You taught me all the wrong lessons
and you planted only weeds.
And I refuse to blame you at all.
I wish simply wish I could touch your soul,
and show it the love it needs.
I've almost texted a thousand times,
which is such a cliche thought,
but you have never even lifted your fingers,
because I was a calculated thought.
I know you love me,
I know its true,
but your love is unwell,
and suffocates me blue.
I gave to you what I had to give,
but you looked at askance,
"but what else have you?"
But all I have to give
to this misstepped dance
the broken love I learned from you
and we never stood a chance
I think the pain within you
eclipses more pain than I'll ever know,
and as my empathy implored me do
subservience I offered to you too.
I wish with everything in my soul
that I could look you in your beautiful eyes,
the only thing that took its toll,
were the crocodile tears from your eyes.
So I can't anymore
And I won't even defend or try,
because it is forevermore that
I'll be the one with the devils eyes.