Living in the past

I need help but I know not what kind
I'm truly losing my broken mind
I wanna be happy i wanna be free
But others are more deserving than me
I seek closure without a light
I'll never find it so why even fight
Time heals slowly is what they say
But I still sit here day by day
Waiting for the wounds to close
Another day here another day goes
I still feel the pain as if its fresh
The memories eat away at my flesh
Not from the outside but from within
I feel the anger beneath my skin
I live with this day by day
I cannot just hide or run away
Everytime I lay to sleep
Nightmares of you begin to creep
I remain restless in the latest hour
Alone with my thoughts while they devour
I was once innocent with a happy heart
But trust got the best of me and it fell apart
I was so young when you took that away
When I close my eyes it was yesterday
You made me think aggression was ok
That yelling and hitting is just how you pay
I think it's stupid how you "dont remember"
Or later justify your short fuze temper
Right or wrong you decide
Depends in your mood is what I realized
Go stay at your friends is ok today
But get an F on your paper there's hell to pay
A small white lie any child would make
You throw out my belongings over one mistake
I was never good enough for your picket fence fantasy
Failures as far as the eye can see
Mom tried her best and was your slave
But you hit and kick her so she'd "behave"
Every night a stupid fight because you were insecure
Anything and everything blamed on me or her
Because of you I'll never believe anything good about me
I'll never see my own potential I'll be the only one to doubt me
Now your gone there is no bad guy someone must fill the space
So I I became my own worst enemy without it something would be out of place
I've got someone who loves me now
He puts up with me I dont know how
Because of you I cant accept his care
Thinking i deserve him, I would not dare
You fucked me up till this day
But in years to come you will pay
So I sit here and endure this pain
And wait till karma plays her game
You finally get to be the star of the show
You know What they say reap what you sow