That time you missed my birthday

 
That’s when I grew up.
It’s when I knew
I didn’t figure in your plans
or rise to your consciousness
 
Time to put on the big girl pants,
get on with life on my own
So I did  
with a vengeance
turning aloneness to fierce independence
wearing shame shamelessly as bravado
 
Maybe I miss all that could have been
if I had really mattered in your life.
Maybe -- but I don’t know --
I can’t imagine it anymore;
I don’t.
 
Maybe I’m grateful
You set me adrift
….set me alight….
 
Although your memory still shapes my flames
I’m free to shower my sparks on others
who will never suspect
they were once  
rejected