The hardest goodbye

My heart is heavy
Waking up to a text I didn’t really want
But I know it’s what I needed
It’s weird though...

I dreamt that everything went back to normal
We were both smiling and having a great time
But then I woke up
And saw that it was over

My best friend since day one
I messed up letting her go so easily
But... I was blinded
I was foolish...

No I sit here alone
Freaking out on my self for what I’ve done...
I’m glad she’s doing well though
But I wish that I didn’t do what I had done

Ha... why do I feel so weak right now
I know what I would do if I had one wish
To go back to before the school shut down
With all the knowledge I have right now

Even if I were to only be there for a second
All I want... is to hug my friends one last time before I have to say goodbye
Fuck!!!
Why do I have to start crying now

I got a message from someone else yesterday
The last few words were
“You left everyone behind”
These words burn me so deep😭

I didn’t want to leave...
I had to
The friendships I had before just fell apart
“It’s your own fault they fell apart”

With a two I’ll agree to that
But I disagree
Everyone else...
I tried to reach out...

The only people I talk to back home now
Are my two male best friends
And the sister of the one this was about to begin with...
I don’t know what to do...

Everyday for the past couple weeks I haven’t been able to get her out of my head and I hate it cause every time I end up crying