Social wretch

I understand why Dahmer did what he did, I understand the overwhelming suffering of being alone, its the fact of being discarded that hurts the most. To have someone to share what little you have with, is the dream. To have unrefuted company, even if its based in fear, makes life bearable. I've been alone my whole life, neglected and abandonment were the foundation from which I was made, but in recent years its gotten worse. I've had to endure the fake smiles and emotionless "how are you goings" more and more and I'm sick of it, its as worthless as me lending an "empathic" ear. All I want is company, loyalty and honesty and I can't fucking find it anywhere. I'm scared of who I've become, what has woken up can barely be contained. Good luck to anyone catching the other side of me.