deepundergroundpoetry.com
As it comes
i am your reflected blusher, your hues
my pallette, each stroke bristles
icing sugar, none touched sweeter skin
dark outlines drawn, and crescent brows
the inside outside face, blacks and browns
but not disguise, just coke: smudged fire from lips
their tender burn, the tongue into a velvet urn
a carpetbagger searching roaming
and wisp's of hair your curtain's hung
take you, as it comes
Carol Ann Duffy poem (Whatever)
my pallette, each stroke bristles
icing sugar, none touched sweeter skin
dark outlines drawn, and crescent brows
the inside outside face, blacks and browns
but not disguise, just coke: smudged fire from lips
their tender burn, the tongue into a velvet urn
a carpetbagger searching roaming
and wisp's of hair your curtain's hung
take you, as it comes
Carol Ann Duffy poem (Whatever)
Published 5th Mar 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th Mar 2020 4:43pm
LOL @ "(Whatever)"
Firstly, slip, I love the mood of this write! There is very little that needs adjustment, imho.
i am your reflected blusher, your hues
my pallette, each stroke bristles
icing sugar, none touched sweeter skin
dark outlines drawn, and [cresent] brows ( crescent* )
the inside [ouside] face, blacks and browns ( outside* )
but not disguise, just coke: [smuged] fire from lips ( smudged* )
their tender burn, the [tounge] into a [vevet] urn ( tongue/velvet**)
a [carpet bagger] searching[,] roaming ( carpetbagger* - separate two verbs with a comma )
and [wisp's] of hair [you] [curtain's] hung ( wisps* and curtains* are not possessive in this context / your*)
If you had said curtain's rods or pleats, yet; but, curtains hung is not. Unless, I am completely misinterpreting the context of 'hung' here. . .
take you, as it comes <-- this is the only line that somewhat confused me.
Maybe I am just misinterpreting the context of the poem as a whole. But, I think, maybe, it's metaphorically referencing oral sex. Without the inspirational poem referenced in your author's note, it's difficult to be sure what essence is contained within this. . .
Outside of the spell check, which would correct the majority of errors, there are less than a handful of corrections to this amazingly unique poem. The imagery is very enticing and very much original.
Firstly, slip, I love the mood of this write! There is very little that needs adjustment, imho.
i am your reflected blusher, your hues
my pallette, each stroke bristles
icing sugar, none touched sweeter skin
dark outlines drawn, and [cresent] brows ( crescent* )
the inside [ouside] face, blacks and browns ( outside* )
but not disguise, just coke: [smuged] fire from lips ( smudged* )
their tender burn, the [tounge] into a [vevet] urn ( tongue/velvet**)
a [carpet bagger] searching[,] roaming ( carpetbagger* - separate two verbs with a comma )
and [wisp's] of hair [you] [curtain's] hung ( wisps* and curtains* are not possessive in this context / your*)
If you had said curtain's rods or pleats, yet; but, curtains hung is not. Unless, I am completely misinterpreting the context of 'hung' here. . .
take you, as it comes <-- this is the only line that somewhat confused me.
Maybe I am just misinterpreting the context of the poem as a whole. But, I think, maybe, it's metaphorically referencing oral sex. Without the inspirational poem referenced in your author's note, it's difficult to be sure what essence is contained within this. . .
Outside of the spell check, which would correct the majority of errors, there are less than a handful of corrections to this amazingly unique poem. The imagery is very enticing and very much original.
5th Mar 2020 8:39pm
the CC challenge is so refreshing trying to capture a new style not sure whether I`m up to the next level yet. Smiley felicitation to you.
PS homework done
PS homework done
5th Mar 2020 8:50pm
6th Mar 2020 7:58am
C.A.D poems are hard to find. in google I found her archive and four recordings one of which is WHATEVER quite difficult to interpret without the written word
