Lost

I know what it is to die
And lie in one of the unmarked graves of life
No prize
No glory
No honor gained
To stand mute before the butcher’s blow
Then smile and say
“It’s alright.”
As he lands the fatal strike

None come to see you
Lying bloody and broken in the Shambles
The stench of it lies outside the city wall
Far from the fairest of ladies
And far from any feeling at all
I worked 8 hours today
I am a good drone
I know every move by rote
Reflex is good
You don’t have to think
I can’t think
I work so I don’t have to
I don’t want to breath

It’s a good thing I don’t drink
This would be a good day – or week
For a drink
To crawl back into the bottle
To relearn how to curl up and die
Retching and puking
And drinking myself sober
But stupidly
Comfortably numb
I can’t move forward
There is no forward
There is no direction here
Just pull the trigger on a bottle
And kill the pain before it kills me
I'm so tired of alone

But I can’t go that road
Because I’d be out of control
And there’s a dark place beyond the numb
I can’t revisit
Even to take away this pain

No
I take my pain steady on
Show what it is to be the better man
A man better than what I am
And take the high road
To contend with myself once more
And being alone...
I don’t like the face I see of the man in the mirror
I don’t like these feelings everyday
But they’re the only company I have to rely on
There’s nowhere else to turn to anymore
I'm just sending messages into the ether
Just like space
And pretending there’s intelligent life
That hears
And cares
And answers broken prayers