Routing for Me

I feel like sometimes, I peak through the curtain
What's hidden to the eye, I seem to notice
I'm troubled often by concerns of paranoia and egotism
I think, therefore, I am
All I know is all I know, that is, my view is the only view I can ever have
I pilot this body, I see through my lens, but I CAN empathise
My birth name is a translation: God is salvation
My face, a combination of the two prominent idols of faith
More of one in the summer, the other in the winter
Drugs, too long spent alone, overwhelming ability to empathise: I cannot help but feel distorted, played, and confused
I strain to be a functioning member of society, in case my delusions are nothing more than such
How do people know when I lie?
Does my face read like a Biff and Chip episode?
My truth would have me labelled insane
My mask is what keeps me capable of blending in with reality
Deja vu, anxiety, have I lived this, or am I creating it as I go
If I had control, things would be different
When I'm pulled out of my rut, and time flies by me, I'm brought back to earth with a saddening reminder, I do not deserve to be free from my chains
I will be all that I can for those that need me, but without me, without my best, would they find another?
Fear
Fear pushes
Away from
Towards
or into
My fear pushes me into instability, confusion and anxiety
Do I need to feel this to learn from it
Do I need to feel?
Water, food...essential
Life? Me? I couldn't answer
While I am here, my instincts tell me to live, so I obey
Without them, without the controller, would I be so eager?

I'm not God. I'm not His son. I am a man. I have no standard to live up to. But I know I am. And God is "I am".
Yes, you are
Yesyouare
yeshuare
yeshua
yoshua
Joshua

I confirm him
He is
Yahweh
Allah
His name means nothing
All that he is, IS