Guarded - - inspired by Daniel Christensen

 
Heart beating faster
Almost out of my chest
Sweating profusely
Audible pulse in my head
PTSD arrives with malice
I am deeply sleeping
Tasting fear, smelling flesh
Hands slide on wax
Griping the communion table

The men in the dark suits arrive
They scurry in like filthy rats
Desecrating of prayer mats
Sins of the flesh on repeat
Sins of the father so discreet
The rhythm of a pounding beat
Innocence was that night stolen
Blood, veins, with flesh all swollen
I am discarded and undone
By a dog collar's fun
Unable through fear to run
Bound up with tape
I cannot escape
Rat turns into ape
But only to rape
Again and again
With shouts of amen
Some witnesses lurk
Observing God's work
Suffer the little children

Fear grips me
It won't let me go
I scream for help
I pray for death
Tossed like a ragdoll
Both to and fro
Suddenly it all stops
There is an angel of light
Sitting by my bed
She brings a wave of calm
From resting teddy bears
Such a beautiful hug
Such a gentle touch
She kisses my forehead
Like mothers should do
And whispers in my ear
"They can't hurt you any more"
"It will all be alright."
"I am always with you"

Tears stream from awakening eyes
Though all is calm, all is bright
I dry my eyes it's dark but light
I still see light in the darkness of night
I feel no hate nor revenge out of spite
I finally believe everything will be alright
I rise to more than my actual height
I pick up my pencil and start to write
I'm full of vigour and up for a fight
Her hands round my shoulders hugging so tight

This is what I wrote
With her love and my light