storyline(s) (personal)

 
 
 
    I honestly don't like my persnal outlook on society; though it will never change; I honestly don't like the fact that one's surroundings more or less alter your path; as a matter of fact I'm one of if not the least dedicated, motivated, or attached to the perception of a "good life".  
 
 
    I know that I will die some day; I know that nothing in this world as I've known it to be will make me satisfied or genuinely happy; I know I've done what I could and came up short; yes; there was reasonable support;  
 
 
  I wouldn't nor couldn't break bad if I wanted to; it's not me nor in me; I couldn't feel any less empty; see; I'm wounded mentally-numbed nearly entirely;  
 
 
  I'm far from "alive" despite how it appears on the outside; I'm one of the most pessimistic people you'll ever meet; it doesn't matter if someone "believes in me"; because I never wanted it that bad- to "achieve"....  
 
 
  and if you've known me personally and remotely were "close" to me, you'd be disappointed if you had any hope for me; because all I'll ever see is a mirage of hope; all I see is a dangerous "addicting game" of monopoly