Motions of Change

It used to be amazing that we got where we were
Now it's just crazy how we got to where we are
I noticed changes you denied with your words
Then your actions told the opposite by going too far
You probably don't even know how I'm feeling
And I can't be bothered to even say
I've tried to talk to you before, and then the damage
From neglecting me when I could have used someone that day
And I hate myself for being vulnerable
For remembering why you were someone I could trust
It was a mistake, and I regret it
Because it caused unspoken tension between us

A part of me feels you might know what you've done
Because we both know you're quite perceptive
Yet neither of us wants to discuss
Because it's too difficult to mention
I shouldn't have let myself cave
When I felt that things were slowly changing
There's no way now you could tell me to my face
That this is remotely the same thing

It isn't

Remember how I helped you all those times you broke?
And yes I know, you've been there for me too
That makes me think I should let this moment go
But honestly I don't know how to
I felt so stupid in it
And I feel more stupid for sharing that with you
The shame of thoughts in my raw state
Are intertwined with shame from how someone knew

I considered never talking to you again
I'm guessing you figured that through my silence
The old you would have felt the distance
And would have wanted to know why
And the old me would have communicated
When I believed my feelings mattered
But since I started feeling like they don't
I've been numb, drifting, shattered

So now who knows what we are
Or where we're going to go
If this friendship lost its depth
Or if we'll find our way back to usual flow
All I know is I'm floating
It's nice to see you on the surface
I still feel like I'm less, but
I guess not entirely worthless

Like getting lost in ocean waves
These are the motions of change
Where openness fades
And when emotions rearrange