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New Beginning
This time
is not like the last time—
this time
we are apologizing
for our wrongs—
this time
we will not fight
to be right.
This time
we are listening
to how we feel—
this time
we are acting our age.
This time
Is different
because this time
we are not the same we
as the last time—
you are not the same him;
and
I am not the same she.
This time
we can just be us
together.
No one will ask
to change who we are
because this time
is a new beginning
for us both;
and, we are here
to help each other grow.
Stand tall darling—
I'll show you the real meaning
of showering someone
with love.
is not like the last time—
this time
we are apologizing
for our wrongs—
this time
we will not fight
to be right.
This time
we are listening
to how we feel—
this time
we are acting our age.
This time
Is different
because this time
we are not the same we
as the last time—
you are not the same him;
and
I am not the same she.
This time
we can just be us
together.
No one will ask
to change who we are
because this time
is a new beginning
for us both;
and, we are here
to help each other grow.
Stand tall darling—
I'll show you the real meaning
of showering someone
with love.
Published 30th Dec 2019
Author's Note
Sometimes I get lost in little things he does for me, because i wasn't treated in such a caring way before, and I have to remind myself that this is not like last time. That with the pure intentions, respect, and admiration we have, we'll shower each other in true love.
Special thanks to Ahavati for punctuation advice and editing!!
Special thanks to Ahavati for punctuation advice and editing!!
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 2
comments 6
reads 590
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I really enjoyed this expression, NP. To write it out like this is to believe and see it manifest in your mind. You have a wonderful literary grasp on grammar, spelling, and something really important to poetry - expression of concept.
I would honor your request for honest critique with the following:
Firstly, I enjoy your style. It's succinct and to the point in brief lines and abrupt punctuation at certain points; however, at others, it can seem a hindrance to the flow of the read. Secondly, capping the beginning of each line is a classic form; however, it's not really utilized much in modern poetry. Thirdly, a bit of spacing allows the reader to ingest individual pieces of thought before rushing into the next. Lastly, punctuation. There is a lot here which can be combined as extensions of that individual thought previously mentioned with semi's or em dashes. Without changing one word of your poem, I'm going to adjust punctuation and capitalization to give you an idea of how your poem could look ( note centering is not an option in replies so it will be left justified ):
New Beginning
This time
is not like the last time—
this time
we are apologizing
for our wrongs—
this time
we will not fight
to be right.
This time
we are listening
to how we feel—
this time
we are acting our age.
This time
Is different
because this time
we are not the same we
as the last time—
you are not the same him;
and
I am not the same she.
This time
we can just be us
together.
No one will ask
to change who we are
because this time
is a new beginning
for us both;
and, we are here
to help each other grow.
Stand tall darling—
I'll show you the real meaning
of showering someone
with love.
Notice I didn't alter one word, only punctuation and spelling.
Because you are new, and I am never sure if a newbie truly wants or knows what to expect from an honest critique ( and have subsequently had my head bitten off for it ), I would like to express that critique is two things: firstly, it's an honor of your request for such; and, secondly, except for proper spelling and grammar ( unless intentional for dialect purposes ), it's largely the opinion of the critiquer. It will always be up to you, as the author, to accept or reject any suggested changes. These suggestions are not a challenge, they're a gift of time from another author.
I would honor your request for honest critique with the following:
Firstly, I enjoy your style. It's succinct and to the point in brief lines and abrupt punctuation at certain points; however, at others, it can seem a hindrance to the flow of the read. Secondly, capping the beginning of each line is a classic form; however, it's not really utilized much in modern poetry. Thirdly, a bit of spacing allows the reader to ingest individual pieces of thought before rushing into the next. Lastly, punctuation. There is a lot here which can be combined as extensions of that individual thought previously mentioned with semi's or em dashes. Without changing one word of your poem, I'm going to adjust punctuation and capitalization to give you an idea of how your poem could look ( note centering is not an option in replies so it will be left justified ):
New Beginning
This time
is not like the last time—
this time
we are apologizing
for our wrongs—
this time
we will not fight
to be right.
This time
we are listening
to how we feel—
this time
we are acting our age.
This time
Is different
because this time
we are not the same we
as the last time—
you are not the same him;
and
I am not the same she.
This time
we can just be us
together.
No one will ask
to change who we are
because this time
is a new beginning
for us both;
and, we are here
to help each other grow.
Stand tall darling—
I'll show you the real meaning
of showering someone
with love.
Notice I didn't alter one word, only punctuation and spelling.
Because you are new, and I am never sure if a newbie truly wants or knows what to expect from an honest critique ( and have subsequently had my head bitten off for it ), I would like to express that critique is two things: firstly, it's an honor of your request for such; and, secondly, except for proper spelling and grammar ( unless intentional for dialect purposes ), it's largely the opinion of the critiquer. It will always be up to you, as the author, to accept or reject any suggested changes. These suggestions are not a challenge, they're a gift of time from another author.
30th Dec 2019 10:08pm
Thank you for taking the time to express the punctuation you were explaining! It truly helps the flow of the poem. I don't have much experience writing in such depth, so thank you for your honesty and teaching, I hope you won't mind me using your edit for the site! I'll add your name in the authors notes, as credit for the help.
30th Dec 2019 10:10pm
Any suggested edits you choose to adopt are yours. It's your poem, not a word was changed - I simply suggested some things. lol!
31st Dec 2019 00:46am
This is really beautiful.... such a special love you have there :)
Best of luck with your new beginning...
Sincerely,
NewBeginnings
Best of luck with your new beginning...
Sincerely,
NewBeginnings
31st Dec 2019 11:24pm
Congratulations! This poem has been nominated for the New Member of the Month Competition!
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11185/#464012
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11185/#464012
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Apr 2020 5:45pm
6th Jan 2020 7:01am
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