TOO LATE

Love it.

Why do you love it?  Do you think it shows good poetic craft?  If so, where is this evident?  Or are you focusing on the message -- which seems to me be undercut in its attempt to immerse a reader in the pain of loss by the way it is set out in rather bouncy and inconsistent rhythms and rather predicatable and pedestrian rhyme?

The rawness and innocence from an adult in the unfolding of a poem like this comes from an eternally younger part of the heart. What voice do you give the child in you?

Something slick and over-wisely talented would bury the tender vulnerability.

I didn't ask where this piece comes from.  But you are right.  This is what a five year old, whose only exposure to poetry  was that in hall mark cards -- would write.  Most of its lines are pablum as well as question begging, not to mention determined by the idea that lines must end in rhyme.

Do you see a reason to minimize?

Personally, I believe there's more importance in the poem than you might have spotted.

I'm not a critic, I'm an appreciator of hearts.

If the purpose of the poetry is clear, the style, no matter the kind, will serve it.

You see pablum, I see an offering of the heart.

That something springs from the heart does not make it good poetry, just as banging heartfelt notes on a piano does not makes what comes from such banging music.  
You need to take into account Oscar Wilde's note that “All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. "

Furthermore, these lines

"You are so far from my view.
Life has taken you so far."

do not clearly say, as they should if they are to be incisive and evocative, what Joseph apparently thinks they say (i.e., that his father has been taken away by death is no longer in the world)  since (1) the fact that someone is far from one's "view" (of what?) hardly means that he/she is dead -- it just means that they are sufficiently distant in space that one can or does not see them; and (2) the ordinary sense of an expression like "life has taken you far" (let alone "so far" -- which is an expression that serves to raise the question "so far as what?") is that someone has done well in life (wow,  you've gone far!)

No matter where the come from,  lines like this are poorly written ones.  They do not convey whatever it was that Joseph meant them to convey.  They are constructed to get rhymes,  and, given what they actually say,  do not really express any kind of sense of loss over a father's death, let alone speak of a father having died or having been taken away by death and now no longer present in the world..

I like your response, although I do not agree.

The finest, sweet notes cannot hold my attention whatsoever without a clear sensation of meaning and plot line. I am a mother of ten. I know what rough genius is, vs the okayest lovely baby art.

Genius is in all. It's unlocked by purpose. I didn't miss the meaning in the poem.

It means:

My loved ones who are no longer in heart-beating-form are very much still alive to me. They have just slipped out of view, too far into The Great Horizon. More cherished now than ever.

And you didn't have to fill in or reword in your mind what Joseph said in order to get this meaning out of his submission or read this meaning into it?

Where does he speak of his loved oneS?  Where does he say that they are still alive?

I like your critiques. I just don't do the same.

Why is that?

I think it would be premature of me. A little more writing experience, a little more time studying and appreciating, first.

Your vocabulary seems to be limited.  You have used these words over and over again in your submissions:    
 
glee, mirth, rays, so far, ken, man  
 
Also,  your meter is very irregular in this 7 syllable line:  
 
stirring chagrin mixed with glee  
 
trochee iamb  amphimacer  
 
And what's with the expression "get unseen".  Is being "unseen" something that one "gets"?  Becomes, yes,  but "gets"?  
 
Sorry, but once again, it seems that you are more interested in getting rhymes than in writing well, let alone movingly.  This is Hallmark card stuff.

My father, now no longer livened breath filled flesh,
was made by death to be un-rooted in the world;,  
and, if I’m honest with myself,
I know that he’s longer “living” anywhere
(since disincarnate life is wishful thinking fantasy)
except within my memory.

So sometimes when I think of this
I know I have to look at frozen, fading images of him
I’ve tucked away in closets and in boxes set
beneath my bed
to bring him back to storied life again,

But then I also find myself upon
the edges of a soft despair.
For doing this then only serves to make me realize
how much his voice, his smile,  
his gestures, and his touch are absent in my life  
as well as just how fast the empty years pile up
against the time when he was with me here.

Very dear EW,
It is very kind of you to like it and to send me your medal. Thank you very much. Your encouragement is very valuable to me.

Dear EW,
Thank you very much for your insistence that the poem is valuable. Please, read Baldwin's poetry in answer to my poems to see his pabulum in his ideas, poetry, rhythm, and rhyme. Please tell him to correct pabulum if he doesn't know to spell it. Please tell him the correct spelling is pabulum and not pablum as he thinks.
Thank you very much EW. I consider you a very dear friend, and l hope to build cooperation between us because your opinion is frank sound and free from grudges. Thank you very much again for everything.

Did you note that she said that she has no idea what the basic linguistic, rhythmic, sonic, incantatory, and literary elements of good poetry are  when she noted that she is not a critic?  And is the issue whether or not your piece is "valuable" (to whom, by the way?).  I thought it was whether it displayed sufficient poetic craft to bring a reader inside an experience -- especially though the use of concrete appeals to the senses. and was not something where getting a rhyme was more important than making sense.  
 
Someday you are going to have to face the fact that your idea that forcing a writing into the particular form that you think writings have to have to be good poetry keeps you from using language in ways that make what you write worth reading.  
 
And you have yet to show that the rhythm and rhyme that I use in what I write to you, let alone the ideas that I express there, is pablum.  
 
P.S.  Please show me where I used the word "pabulum" in what I've posted above.  

Almost missed this! I'm intrigued by his poetic sense of artistry. I'm still a believer in the value of my and your works, because it's more than art.

When we refine our writing skills we will outshine plain ideas all the more.

To whom are you speaking?  And what does having "a poetic sense of artistry"  consist of?  How does it differ from other types of senses of artistry?

I think we all want to do better than forced lines.

You have a very nice sense of good poetry, but don't let that eclipse the work of every human soul, which is to express ourselves after the manner of our own ideas. Those ideas we all have both shape our form and themselves change with our advancing timeline.

Just as poetry contrasts prose - there are a multitude of arts. Some are, of course, written or spoken. All, however, represent ideas that move us. Some of those ideas grip us, others are mundane or invisible.

I just noticed how this mimics the rhythm of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star  and as such ends up being a nursery song.  Note how easily,  following your rhythm, it becomes one.
 
My dear father, where are you ?    
You are so far from my view.    
Life has taken you so far.    
Only God knows where you are.  
Twinkle, Twinkle souls above.  
May you shine with God’s bright love!  
 
 
Love of old comes back to me,  
stirring chagrin mixed with glee  
when recall I your past days  
and your love with its soft rays.  
Twinkle twinkle, is my plea  
bask me in your memories.  
 
Man can meet great men on earth  
who enhance his love and mirth,  
but their value he can't ken  
till their faces get unseen.  
Twinkle Twinkle my great man  
let me know you once again!  
 
   
This works against your piece having any dark or somber tone.  The rhythm one uses in one's writings sets a piece's "mood" and tone.   And the choice you made here is bad and wholly ill-fitting given your piece's supposed theme.

Dear EW,
When you read Baldwin's poems which he sent as answers to my poems, you can see the big difference between my good poems and his very poor ones. He doesn't know how to write, and he is trying to pretend that he knows something about poetry. In fact, he doesn't know anything and he is trying to learn from me through his provocations. However, l've discovered that. Now, l won't answer him at all because he doesn't deserve any help. What do you think of a person who has started all that attack without any provocations. Even he writes to the people who like my poetry. What do you think is the reason. Is it because l write poor poetry. If it is the case, my poetry doesn't need all his attack and interest. It reveals itself to be poor. Now, let's leave him talking to himself. I would like to read your poems. How can l reach them. Thank you very much my dear friend.

"When you read Baldwin's poems which he sent as answers to my poems, you can see the big difference between my good poems and his very poor ones. "  
 
You have yet to **demonstrate** that the writings that I sent as responses to your submissions **are** poor, let alone "very poor".  You have only asserted that they are, even though they always exhibit all of the elements you have claimed a writing should have in order to be good poetry.  
 
And as to my "attacking" what you write without provocation,  haven't you explicitly asked for honest, even brutal" responses to your "work" especially if it is poor??   And haven't you failed to show how any of my remarks about the way you write are off the mark?  

In any case,  I'd be very interested to hear  if you think I'm right in my note about how this piece of yours mimics the rhythm of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnLpNh10Sq4


and , more importantly,  what it is you think that I could learn from you about poetry.  What is the knowledge that you posses in this regard that you don't think I possess.  Please be specific in your answer
 
 
 
 

Hey, I just wanted you to know that I posted a tribute to this beautiful poem on YouTube, linking here, so here’s the link to the vid..

https://youtu.be/U48jWxtI0-g