Untitled (For now)

Unwanted is me
Trapped inside this heart is a beat
Completing life is hard when all you see is defeat
Running with broken feet.

What are you so afraid of?
Nothing.
Nothing except losing you.
I struggle with abandonment
When I feel like people are leaving I start panicing.
I wish that it would get better and I could get it together, but I don't think it's going to change.

Nothing scares me more than being me.
Forced to deal with the disappointment that is me.

Not worthy
Not to my parents
Not to the people that created me

Its sad to see
Someone trying so hard to stay alive when no-one wants them.

Why try so hard to be strong, its everything you're not.

Why not just give it up?
Disappear in the cloud of hopelessness that forms whenever you think of your regrets.

Regrets.
My mom regrets my exsistance
She loaths my resilience and tells me to hide in silence.

My mom.
There's poison in her words
And all I do is drink from her lips.
Taking in every word like it's the only thing I have to live by.

Live or die?
It's such a fine line
 we can be alive but not be living
but we can't be dead and live.
The pain inside makes this something I feel like I decide every day
Every hour
Nearly every minute.
Live or die is that really my decision?