deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Magic Cottage
Lodged between the city humps,
Camel carried not spilling a drop
I gulped and gasped for freshness,
searching for ley lines with blind rabbits.
The candles have been stealing light
with knowledge of how short a life can be
when wrinkles pool before they run.
Imagine then on sunbaked stone
sleeping soft inside the roses
of trellis and nightingales song,
a patch, thatched for a welcome nest,
wattle daubs warmth
south facing over its step.
In this place there is light enough
for all creatures to turn their faces.
In this place there is enough.
Camel carried not spilling a drop
I gulped and gasped for freshness,
searching for ley lines with blind rabbits.
The candles have been stealing light
with knowledge of how short a life can be
when wrinkles pool before they run.
Imagine then on sunbaked stone
sleeping soft inside the roses
of trellis and nightingales song,
a patch, thatched for a welcome nest,
wattle daubs warmth
south facing over its step.
In this place there is light enough
for all creatures to turn their faces.
In this place there is enough.
Published 21st Nov 2019
| Edited 27th Nov 2023
Author's Note
Wanting to slow down change my pace of life, find a quite place to settle for the final innings
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 399
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Nov 2019 7:50pm
21st Nov 2019 7:44pm
This is quite ambiguous, which is not my thing.
However, one of my things is making sense of dream-like symbolism.
I sense there is a struggle going on between conservatism as symbolized by camels and liberalism symbolized by candles. Not necessarily referring to politics, but the approach to living - moreso playing it safe or throwing caution to the wind.
Did you mean "ley lines" ...?
Personally I think "lined leys" would play nicely with "blind".
Anyhoo, your "ley lines" suggest the search is for a route between structures, which does jive with your notes.
Lines in and of themselves can also be the result of divisions, which also reinforces the idea of opposing forces.
I enjoyed the use of "Lodged" after the title.
Lastly, the "desert" theme hints at a quest for an oasis or place to settle after a dry spell, again jiving with your notes.
I hope this feedback was useful, albeit all over the fucking map.
However, one of my things is making sense of dream-like symbolism.
I sense there is a struggle going on between conservatism as symbolized by camels and liberalism symbolized by candles. Not necessarily referring to politics, but the approach to living - moreso playing it safe or throwing caution to the wind.
Did you mean "ley lines" ...?
Personally I think "lined leys" would play nicely with "blind".
Anyhoo, your "ley lines" suggest the search is for a route between structures, which does jive with your notes.
Lines in and of themselves can also be the result of divisions, which also reinforces the idea of opposing forces.
I enjoyed the use of "Lodged" after the title.
Lastly, the "desert" theme hints at a quest for an oasis or place to settle after a dry spell, again jiving with your notes.
I hope this feedback was useful, albeit all over the fucking map.
I hope this feedback was useful, albeit all over the fucking map. Lol you make me laugh JB everything is useful and Im very pleased you took the time for such considered feedback, this one has some ambiguity as you suggested. This is about being trapped in work and place, not getting any younger but then finding a place where everything fits with time enough for just being there. Oh and yes I did mean Ley Lines Fxd Thank you
22nd Nov 2019 00:19am
i want to come back to this... for now, i'm hooked up (in the best way) on this:
The candles have been stealing light
The candles have been stealing light
25th Nov 2019 9:41pm
Thank you butters, youve done it again with my fav line :) thank you for reading and commenting, much appreciated
