This Is Me-i hate.

I don't know why but i hate myself. i hate the way i look, the way i dress and the way i talk. i hate how i look 12 but really, im 18. i hate how im flat, how i have scars from me and how i have stretch marks on me. i hate how im a dumb blonde and im not good at anything. how i keep failing classes, how i want to desperately cry my heart out until i have no tears left.......but, i can't. i hate how everyone demands something of me, weather its helping others, gardening or putting on  a fake smile. i hate how im 1 month clean of self harming and everything is a trigger. i hate how i feel like not eating. i hate how my school is freaking out at me because i missed four days of school even though i told them why i was missing school.  i hate how everyone has these expectations of me that im not full filling. i hate how everyone tells me that im throwing my life away but really i just want to live it.
why Me? why am i like this? why do i have to help everyone and put myself last? why can't i just say "No" and leave it at that? why can't i be someone else?

someone who loves their body, scars, marks and all, or someone who is great at school or someone who has talent?
why couldn't i be someone whos good enough?