Don’t know why

this life ...
was something special  
it was natural and beautiful
how it all emerged  
but what it is now is indescribable  
the compelled performance that we are born into
the not having an option with our life  
just open your eyes , make money...
and if you don't make enough your nothing  
if you get hurt and cant work your nothing
there is nothing in this world now that you can do without money
except think  
this life has been a series of plus and minus
your a better person if your a plus  
but if you cause a minus ...
i am so sick and tired of dealing with this type of life style
i have tried to be every type of way ...
had good jobs  
bad jobs  
no job  
three jobs  
where has it gotten me  
two kids  
different moms
countless partners  
broke  
broken  
and heart broken  
this is the worst thing i have ever been a part of  
this corrupt system  
and there is nothing anyone can do at this point....
nothing  
were in too deep
the life i had once achieved ...  
with nothing.. just happiness  
and the un-identification  
but i still had to create plus'
i am at a point now to where my body is so broken  
i can barely walk at times  
can barely sleep
cant do the work i once could  
and now i am seen as less in the eyes of people  
employers  
mother
my childrens mothers  
when in reality if they really gave two shits about me they wouldnt have  
cheated  
lied  
abused  
extorted  
what does this all mean  
why am i back here not wanting to be here anymore  
i had it all figured out  
i gave it away for "love"
only to get shit on in less than a month  
i think i need the ability to do this  
express through some form of platform
i dont know what more i can do  
i dont want to be here  
it creeps up on me more and more ...  
the what comes after this
i dont know but it has to be better than this.....