Confessions of a Cereal Killer

I’m the type of killer who can deliver,
A gory story of mayhem and horrorcore,
I’ll tell you a tale that will make you shiver,
A kind of thriller you’ve never heard before.

First it was that kid Mikey everyone loved so much,
I stuffed him with pop rocks until he was fully loaded,
Then I fed him large amounts of soda,
And watched him scream when his tummy exploded.
They say it’s just an urban legend or a myth,
But they didn’t know who they’re fucking with.

Then I chased Toucan Sam and Buzz the Bee,
They irked me every time I saw them on t.v.
They thought they were being cute and all,
Especially that trickster rabbit and his Trix.
I gave them a bowl of milk and cereal,
Laced with a lethal dose of a venereal disease.

I took to the high seas in search of a ship,
That carried that pervert Cap’n Crunch,
And when I boarded and said hello,
I let him have my hardest punch.
He took it like a little bitch of course,
And then to the sharks I tossed him over board.

Then that motherf…Cunt Chocula,
No, it’s not a misspelling, I wrote it right,
Ooh, I couldn’t stand that creepy bastard,
So I threw him into the light.
Turns out, he really wasn’t a vampire,
Still I staked him and set his ass on fire.

Later I hunted those annoying gnomes,
I was on a roll and so they were next,
They didn’t stand a chance against my rage,
When I snapped, cracked and popped their necks.

I caught up with that little leprechaun,
Trying to protect his supposed lucky charms,
First I pounced on him then I trounced on him,
I guess his luck ran out when I cut off his arms.

Finally I found that irritating tiger,
Turns out he was just a pussy and a fake,
With a bow and arrow I got him straight and narrow,
Now Tony isn’t feeling all that great.

You might wonder why I had a distaste for them,
There will never be any kind of peace treaties,
It’s because they represented the companies,
Who brainwash kids and gave me diabetes.