deepundergroundpoetry.com
Starved
starved
withered within daylight
shadows skew my view
minutes turn to weeks
I can't eat, I can't speak
crooked and weak
waiting on stars to light
a coma of pure delight
when I may breathe
in painted dreams tonight
withered within daylight
shadows skew my view
minutes turn to weeks
I can't eat, I can't speak
crooked and weak
waiting on stars to light
a coma of pure delight
when I may breathe
in painted dreams tonight
Published 17th Sep 2019
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Anonymous
17th Sep 2019 4:31pm
There are dreams that draw us willing...and there are dreams that keep us awake. Whichever brings peace...
17th Sep 2019 5:49pm
17th Sep 2019 9:34pm
17th Sep 2019 9:39pm
a strong piece filled with a sense of yearning. speaks (to me) of loss... bereavement, of a loved one or of a life lived differently.
wee suggestion to consider: with 'starved' as your title, it feels a little redundant as your opening word. it's a strong word and still echoes inside my head as i move into the body of your poem; the repetition is a small delay.
i'm also wondering if 'withered by daylight' wouldn't serve you better... there're a whole lotta w's in that second line and 3 reps of the small 'i' sound... by using 'by', you'd create less of a mouthful and introduce the soundlink with day'light'
'painted dreams'... ah, indeed. to dream in colour, experience it as more alive than the muted shades of days spent in waiting only for the dreams
wee suggestion to consider: with 'starved' as your title, it feels a little redundant as your opening word. it's a strong word and still echoes inside my head as i move into the body of your poem; the repetition is a small delay.
i'm also wondering if 'withered by daylight' wouldn't serve you better... there're a whole lotta w's in that second line and 3 reps of the small 'i' sound... by using 'by', you'd create less of a mouthful and introduce the soundlink with day'light'
'painted dreams'... ah, indeed. to dream in colour, experience it as more alive than the muted shades of days spent in waiting only for the dreams
18th Sep 2019 00:26am
17th Sep 2019 11:09pm
I get it
it sucks feeling this way
have to start taking different roads home
Like
it sucks feeling this way
have to start taking different roads home
Like
18th Sep 2019 00:27am
Thanks Bro...a friend was getting a colonoscopy today and couldn't eat anything which caused insomnia...it inspired me to write this
