deepundergroundpoetry.com
Frost Bite
I think I have some frostbite
'Cause my toes are black and cold.
My ankles have lost their feelings,
And my knees feel like they're old.
My fingertips are tingly
And my wrists just will not bend.
My elbows will not move at all
And my sores just will not mend.
I think I have some frostbite
That has settled in my ears.
My cheeks feel stiff and swollen
And I cannot feel my tears.
My eyes are wide and staring.
My lips are stiff and blue.
My tongue as frozen to my gums
And my teeth are frozen too.
I think I have some frostbite
'Cause I cannot see my breath.
But I don't think they call that frostbite--
I think they call that...... Death!
'Cause my toes are black and cold.
My ankles have lost their feelings,
And my knees feel like they're old.
My fingertips are tingly
And my wrists just will not bend.
My elbows will not move at all
And my sores just will not mend.
I think I have some frostbite
That has settled in my ears.
My cheeks feel stiff and swollen
And I cannot feel my tears.
My eyes are wide and staring.
My lips are stiff and blue.
My tongue as frozen to my gums
And my teeth are frozen too.
I think I have some frostbite
'Cause I cannot see my breath.
But I don't think they call that frostbite--
I think they call that...... Death!
Published 16th Sep 2019
Author's Note
This is one of my short stories from The Lunacy Machine 'Twisted Tales of Unfortunate Times'.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Sep 2019 4:50pm
I found this to be well composed as to rhythm and rhyme. Though some may feel it somewhat morbid, I think the word choice is appropriate for the theme.
Nicely done
Nicely done
17th Sep 2019 7:23pm
a terribly morbid subject but your treatment has me laughing. if it's not intended as black humour, my apologies... blame me. till then, i'm blaming YOU.
this rhyme scheme and arrangement is often used in nursery rhymes and in poetry that's dark, lending it an eerier depth because of the sing-song simplicity in its rhythm. yet your piece felt not so much eerie to me as simply a humorous take on a very bleak topic.
this rhyme scheme and arrangement is often used in nursery rhymes and in poetry that's dark, lending it an eerier depth because of the sing-song simplicity in its rhythm. yet your piece felt not so much eerie to me as simply a humorous take on a very bleak topic.
