Unwanted Poster

I don't feel like writing  
I feel like hiding
Over sighing
Where's my lightning?
 
Where's my spark?
It's all gone dark
Especially on this Monday
 
The thinking thinks
Lines about some things
Words may find me some day
 
I started this
So that i could express....
Something, now i forget
 
I've never felt
Like this alone before
In this chair that i always sit
 
My ashtray is full
I feel so dull
As my burning hourglass keeps the time
 
And when i take that last hit
I'll know the minutes
Have elasped like my empty mind
 
Too deep and thoughtful
No one to talk to
Just sitting here feeling awful
 
I have no gospel
No songs to sings toward praise
All my grace would be amazed
 
I can't  
So i rant
Here about one thing
Here about nothing
Desperately wanting
Something...
 
...that i cannot have
 
How can i not be mad?
Watching violence through a one way glass
Told to sit, but it's the mirror i smash
There's more noise for the rattle i made instead
 
So I've made my empty bed
To sleep on the floor
Just constantly waiting for permission  
 
No control to lose
 
Second helpings of second natures
Replaced by strangers
But alas I'm of no concern
 
And this ending
Just doesn't seem fitting
When will i ever learn?
 
To just keep quiet
After all, i sit in silence
Out here left to hide
 
With what I'm dealing
At the least, cannot express feelings
So I'll submit and go back inside