Mental Illness Part 1

If you see me in the shadows
Out walking by myself
Don't think that I am creeping
I'm just thinking to myself

Spend many nights alone
Living in the dark
My life seems really easy
But it's no walk in the park

You see, I have anxiety
And I also have depression
But when you mix the two together
There are no fake expressions

Everything feels so intense
Your mind is constantly flowing
Jumbled thoughts and faded eyes
You speak without knowing

Because the voices take over
I've been up so late
Replaying my f**k ups
And all my mistakes

I'm also borderline bipolar
Even though I wasn't diagnosed
The ups and downs are horrible
My heart is on a post

People take their turns stabbing it
Until I've bled to death
Kicking me while I'm down
Until I've taken my final breath

It's like I know I can do better
But I am my biggest critic
I try until I get frustrated
Then I just say forget it

It's hard to even eat sometimes
Because I'm fighting with myself
Worried about my demons
Instead of focusing on my health

Some days are better than others
Some days I want to die
It's not like I can cry anymore
I've ran all my tears dry

I hate going to the hospital
So I just self medicate
Pill popping or smoking
Just take me away

Release all my tension
And stress of the day
Let me forget who I am
And I promise,
I'll be okay