deepundergroundpoetry.com
Long Distance Love
...and my heart entwined in all the songs we used to sing
I hum them now and get a funny feeling
that if I turned around I might find you there
sitting in your favourite chair
passing me the bong
we get along
by knowing each other exists-
my best friend
you are missed
I hum them now and get a funny feeling
that if I turned around I might find you there
sitting in your favourite chair
passing me the bong
we get along
by knowing each other exists-
my best friend
you are missed
Published 17th Dec 2011
| Edited 8th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Apr 2012 7:08am
I think if you divided the last line in half to be 'my best friend' and 'you are missed' it would have more impact.
I am curious to know what you meant by making the first word 'and'. If it plays off the title it is very nice. If not, I think it would be better if you removed it. Because starting it with 'My heart entwined...' would just be beautiful.
Aside from that I really love this piece because of the sweetness and intimacy it evokes. I'm looking forward to reading more.
I am curious to know what you meant by making the first word 'and'. If it plays off the title it is very nice. If not, I think it would be better if you removed it. Because starting it with 'My heart entwined...' would just be beautiful.
Aside from that I really love this piece because of the sweetness and intimacy it evokes. I'm looking forward to reading more.
8th Apr 2012 10:16pm
thanks for the feedback! I'll defiantly take it all into consideration :)
