Submission

fine.  okay.  yes.  submission alas/at last.
i give up/in.  i am scolded/scalded scarred/scared.  why/what/where/how/who-ever, just any-thing/where/when but this/now/here.  
i'm watching another sunset out of/through the same window as yester-day/week/month/year right now/just as then/before/please i hope not forever
i'm desensitized numb-mumm-ified dried and dusted shaken pride to air-thin scattereds, breath in my micro-sheddings and let me be-come(for me) the worst part of your (de)construction.
i assault myself with your hands/chastise myself with your words.  
judge myself now upon judgements past and repeating like the click-ticking of a life measured in wires, springs, quartz crystal unknown mechanics and my gusto/ambition/libido/life/and living is winding down to 00:00 and blinking drones like an expired pulse.  
in re-mission yet i only knew myself through the measurements of my illnesses and sickly-inspired pity comforts and there-there's.  
(and my greatest fear is being healed.)now what am i to do?  the cure will be the end of the only Me i've ever known.  
but i cannot fake this fever another day, the temperature will not sustain, and for so long above hence now 98.6 feels as ice and your normalcy is alien (frozen wasteland) to me.  
i cannot repeat as you or what?  can you conform this deformity?  replace with complacence this misplacement of good intentions gone wrong and drunk and repressed depression and cut and bleeding?  forgiveness, i am not well tamed.  
an unpolished gaping stone raw in the waters that fail to shape it
petty chagrin gestures imitating violence to offend, ward off imaginary bully-inquisitors, transparent spectre wailing and antagonizing trembles from those attempting to ignore with futility just to confirm its own presence/existence--notice, see, hear, know (understand), and say my name.