Nihilistic Musings

I never understood why apathy was a cold body but in my reverie I came away with a sinking discovery
 
Against the feathers carried in the wind, I close my eyes
Sun nourishing my skin warming up against blue skies
 
But inside...
 
Faith lies as corpses stretched into planar lines
Their darkness coinciding with what was alive now left behind
Every one a victim of what made the whole machine survive
They ask us if we want to die or if we miss being alive
 
Are the dark stains on our soul a product of who we portray
If we transmute all that matter would we look forward to days
Sparks are not naturally ignited solely of their own volition
No self perpetuating system is sustaining in these cold conditions
 
Affliction, self perdition, happiness or a dash of hope
Give me sentiment so I can adapt and finally learn to cope
I'm thinking hell on earth was a filthy lie from the very beginning
Like threatening a virus when it's already spreading and killing
 
So you say
 
That there may be a place promising to be much worse
Maybe death has over advertised a sense of false worth
But even anguish would be an invited friend if only just
This spirit wasn't numb starting from raging love to simple lust
 
Is it worth being good or does it even matter at this point
If I blow a suckers head off or choose black tar over the joint
Would the laugh I get from either side of a fucked up spectrum
Be enough to meet what's seen as one of life's biggest conundrums?
 
Funny how we look to be amused when before we were disgusted
Pulling death in close to beat him until he's all but fully busted
Stubborness keeps me tied, so I guess we'll keep on going
Tap my foot until something worth a fight makes a late night showing
 
Tell me, brother, if I am tired, beaten, mind sick, or simply bored
Or all four stuffed in the same crate that's been boarded as before
 
But true nothingness is only true when one is finally dead
So I'll speak these musings and keep the urges deep inside my head.