HOW ARE YOU?

I made a tent outside my mind...
Wanna know what I realized?
That downers are annoying , always pleading suicide , or hurting themselves , turning others happy meals sad...
To the point one might shout out "hey you!! if you wanna do it , just do it already!! Just do it already!! Crap get it over with!!!  Ughgg!!!
 
And I am a downer...
Just look at that …
Wrote all that in one breathe without a second thought , not planned just plain out heart...
You are happy  
And if I am not helping you pull the load …
Crap then I am adding to it!
Like Raven with a limb …. I am a drag.
I know I am far from perfect...
And this life I far from deserve it
 
Yeah I know all the motivational speeches like feeding on reheated casserole...
I guess I just feel like I am not breathing anymore
Like I am dead and just going through the motions as it were like a zombie and only thrills I get are from brain encounters...
Or maybe I just lost the sense of it all  
Like a blunt needle there is no point to it all...(full circle if you didn't get the point like the needle)
 
I wanna shake the feeling but like a bear bite every shake tears at my flesh...
I do not mind the physical pain … It is the internal bleeding that gets you.
 
Hehe it is funny how far my mind can go down this rabbit hole an abyss it is … better to go too far then not far enough...
How can you tell what is light without darkness?
Point is … I do not like the question , how are you?.
Because it brings up all of this...
 
So if you see me smiling know it is genuine …
That when I laugh it is true..
And that in that moment it is real..
That I have no negative thought in that moment in time .
So please do not burst the bubble by asking that question....
Maybe I am not always negative … Perhaps only when it comes to me …
 
Which means that  you will see a different side of me when I let you in and you get to know me …
And in that very moment you will be right.