My Apologies

In my haste, my seemingly callous selfishness,
I inadvertently placed unbearable and copious amounts
of weight and pressure upon your shoulders

It was my desire, my want, to have someone to
feel me with him to    fill    me    with    him
to patiently pore over me so I might wantonly pour into him
fusing my Caramel with his Chocolate, my Crimson with his Indigo
my mmm with his hmm, imbuing our senses in every facet as we’d
accentuate each’s good while making each other better

Someone to sip me slowly and savor me intently
to take pleasure in my countenance, yet distill my aura
from the tantalizing flesh that would undoubtedly tempt his
to appreciate the pout of my full lips but find stimulation in
their articulation as he’d engage in the intellect of my tongue,
palate my words, and thirst for my conversation

He'd be my armor, my aegis
and I would be his haven, his home
fortifying security and comfort in one another
syncing our foundations
ascertaining one could not survive without the other

He’d endow me with the sum of him,
unblemished stains to pervade my essence
feeling him entirely…filling my entirety
as he’d extract and absorb every ounce of me
and we’d become the entity,
Man to Woman,
Souls to sole,
we were meant to be

It’s now I realize how desire can
elicit the mind to wheedle
the deepest measure of self
to conceive
tangible illusions
And in my expectations of you,
I deluded myself and imagined you
to be something real

In my unconscious consciousness,
you became a semblance of my desires, and
I veiled my eyes in your presence
to see you past who you’d shown yourself to be
and granted you attributes: integrity, honesty, loyalty,
outside of your character
simply because they are a part of mine
I admittedly was foolish enough to trust if a Woman
were all of these things to a man,
he would certainly return the same to her

I know now a Woman never
has to expect, hope, or wait to receive
such attributes from a Man;
she never has to pad his character
with such virtues and qualities
because they are as much a part of his makeup
as Woman is a part of him
It wasn’t believing a Man could return these things
that made me foolish,
it was expecting a man could

So please forgive me
for assuming you to be something you are not;
for expecting…for desiring...for wanting…for believing
you to be more than
your capabilities allow

It was unfair to you for me to expect you to be a Man
And what’s worst
in the midst of deluding myself,
I enabled
you to believe you are a Man
and for that I owe you
my sincerest apologies